Musing on the hazzards of not smoking…

Today is officially just over the 1 week mark for me and the hubby not smoking. I find myself just a teensy bit amazed. And slightly alarmed at what I consider the fallout from not smoking.

Fallout #1: Opening the garage door to air the smell out and FORGETTING they are open. All 3 stalls. All night. Perhaps that doesn’t sound like a big deal except we forgot to lock the door and don’t lock our cars. So we spent the entire night just asking someone to come in and get shot rob us blind while we sleep. I have no doubt that my dog would have alerted us to an intruder before I could put a bullet in them they could get farther than the foyer, but still, the knowledge gives me the heebies. Last night, we made it a point of checking. Duh.

Fallout #2: The smell! Even though the seats are leather, there is still a lot of carpet for the smell to linger on. Then there is the realization that I smelled like that. Really! It’s kinda gross. I’m amazed that my non-smoking family didn’t turn hurl when I walked in from smoking or climbed out of the car after a smoky drive. I mean I knew I smelled when I smoked, even though *I* couldn’t smell me, I knew that smoking stinks. What I didn’t realize is that if you smoke in your car you are smellable (is that a word?) to all passersby! Not just you, but you AND your car!  After I was done shopping at the bowels of hell wal-mart today, I was putting my cart away when I was smacked with the smell when this older couple got out of their car! Imagine my utter horror at knowing I smelled like that. And that my beloved car smelled like that. I’m on my 3rd air freshener and to be honest, they really don’t work. Now it smells like a vanilla-tahitian-breeze ashtry. Gah. I’ve got all 4 windows down and hopefully it will air out. Because frankly, the conflicting scents are giving me a brain-buster of a headache!

Fallout #3: And by far the worst. Weight gain. 5 flippen pounds! In a week! I’m not freaking out ohyesiam5poundsFIVEPOUNDS much since I know it’s natural and I am exercising and all this takes time. My head is spinning around like the brat from the exorcist on straight and I know that it will take some time to even things out. The hubby asked me today how many days I’ve been working out because he can see a difference. He talked real fast to make sure I was getting that it was a compliment because I’m sure the I-am-going-to-kill-you-in-your-sleep look was on my face. I dunno if it’s true but he could have been just saying that so I don’t sneak up behind him while he is working out and knock him over.

Fallout #4: Smoking and the filter between my mouth and brain are apparently connected. I find myself talking like a chatty cathy doll hyped up on speed with a broken string. I mean seriously, I just don’t SHUT UP. Until I’ve talked so much and so fast that I am out of breath. Worse, I mix up my words and then I sound like an idiot. Rain-Man sounds smarter than me when I have those moments of verbal diarrhea. It’s very discomforting. And extremely annoying. But the hubby finds it amusing and while I find myself laughing when I have those moments, it’s still pretty embarrassing. It will be some time before I utter words in public. Which is okay since I’m too busy avoiding the smelly people by breathing through my mouth to be using it to make a fool of myself.

It was 64 degrees here in Central Illinois today. Maybe I’m not going to get punished with great mounds of fluffy snow after all. Whew!

Comments

  1. Most always a silver lining in everything. If it does snow you can grab a showel & instead of Bart riding his snow plow, you both can get some serious shoveling in. I remember going out & shoveling both driveways on the days I was home & gramp still on the road. Thanksfully it didn’t happen often & then when we started coming to Az for the winters, that worry was over & I gained 30#s. Az is dangerous. Too much good eats & large portions. love, g

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    • Eh…there is a reason why I have a husband and that is to push around the snow when needed, move heavy stuff and mow the grass. 🙂 I’ve never mowed. Not once, ever. Going to stay that way too!

      Like

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